As you will have seen this blog came to an abrupt stop last summer after Lockdown 1 ended. I spent the summer gradually moving back into the caravan which is not an environment conducive to creating art. Sadly, I have made no further art since #23, although I did complete that piece, I just need to upload the photos.
From August to October I was finding and settling myself into a new routine, a new normal really; adjusting to not living with R and the children again, spending more time alone once more and adapting to the new arrangements for school pick-ups. With changes to school start times, school transport/school runs etc, there was lots to keep me busy day-to-day. I also took the brave step of applying for jobs again, this time specifically with regards to mental health and psychology. As always job hunting is time consuming and emotionally draining as well as using up a lot of mental energy. In addition to all this it was also tricky just getting used to the new norm of wearing face masks on a daily basis...that is something I have never felt comfortable with. My friend T got me some wrist bands and lanyards to show that I have a hidden illness but I still preferred to wear a mask rather than stand out as someone not obeying the rules. But it has definitely taken some getting used to.
My project has very much taken a backseat since the end of the first lockdown. In theory I could have used Lockdown 2 to get back into it as I was required once again to move back to the house from November when the caravan park closed again due to Government imposed restrictions. It turned out to be a very different lockdown this time though. I didn't even do any yoga or meditation and I was having huge problems with sleep...I would wake around 4am and found no way at all of getting back to sleep. So in Lockdown 2 I focussed on making the house festive, getting the fairy lights up super early to give us all an extra boost and adding that nostalgic touch of festive magic everywhere. Ensuring that we were all happy and ready for Christmas became my sole intention, as well as the normal day-to-day stuff of the school run (schools stayed open this time) cooking, cleaning and supporting with homework!
Then after an isolated Christmas (the 5 day break we were promised by Boris was snatched away at the last minute) our Island was plunged into Tier 4 and everything was closed again, even schools; Lockdown 3 had begun.
As it was a new year, a new lockdown you may think again, 'perfect time to get painting'. But no. My enthusiasm for my project had further waned. My Seasonal Affective Disorder was starting to kick in once again. And on top of all that I have been dealing with family issues for several months now and the strain (and lack of sleep) has taken a toll on my energy levels and my desire to engage in anything other than supporting with home-schooling, cooking, reading and mindfulness activities. As of January I introduced Midday Mindfulness, Reading at 3 and The 4pm Walk. These routine features help to organise the day and break up those long hours of home-schooling. My mindfulness activity tends to be journaling but the children have done Gem art, Colouring, Lego and Painting.
My art project is sadly something I feel I am unlikely to return to for the foreseeable future. I have every intention of completing it but for now my energy is being put into surviving each day, trying to remain positive and ensuring my children are happy and well. My volunteering opportunities are still there in the background, just waiting for Covid to go away and allow face-to-face interactions to recommence. I have some online training to do for Children's Services this week and they are optimistic of a start date in the not too distant future.
I am hopeful that one way or another 2021 will provide the opportunity for me to get the necessary mental health work experience hours I need in order to secure a paid position or further training in the field. It was a huge achievement amid the strange times we were in last Autumn for me to have secured an interview for a Cognitive Behaviour Therapist Trainee role within the Isle of Wight Youth Trust. They advised me that I had interviewed very well (via Zoom!) but that I didn't yet have enough experience in a mental health setting. They did feel however, that I should pursue the relevant training as they felt I would make an excellent Counsellor/Psychotherapist which was a huge boost for me. In October I had also reached the first short list for two other children's mental health roles which required me to record two videos (one for Primary and one for Secondary) about Mental Health Awareness Day. This was hugely out of my comfort zone and induced large amounts of stress but I did it and was really pleased with myself for trying. The feedback I had said that there was strong competition but that they had enjoyed the creativity demonstrated in the videos. It was a shame not to proceed to interview but, as ever, I believe it was either not the right time for me or not the right role. With ever-mounting pressure on mental health services due to the pandemic and the considerable periods of lockdown, I am confident that more roles will appear as the year rolls on and I will do my utmost to ensure that I am a strong candidate for future positions.
I will post any updates regarding the recommencement of my art project or any good news in relation to training, volunteering or employment opportunities but for now I am drawing a line and continuing my break. This should allow me to work on rebuilding my confidence in my art and the project whilst also focusing on my other love of writing (my journal is helping enormously in processing my feelings and dealing with the physical and emotional pain I am currently experiencing). It is funny how creativity comes in so many different forms and maybe what works for you at one time simply doesn't work for you at other times. What works for one person may not work for the next. I'm just going to face these challenging times with a relaxed attitude and not pressure myself into producing anything specific or creating something in any specific way. Whatever suits my mood, whatever that may be, that's what I shall do. And if I can squeeze in a bit of Yoga with Adriene then that would be fab too!
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